thoughts on my mind.

After much deliberation and should I or shouldn't I thoughts, I sent my biological father a wedding invitation. Did I think he deserved to be there? No. But, I wanted to be the bigger person and make the first "move". A week later Vaughn and I received a card in the mail saying congratulations but, he would not be able to make it.

Talk about a slap in the face. I'm not gonna lie, it hurt.

 I've given him the benefit of the doubt all these years. Maybe the reason he has never tried to get in touch with me is because he honestly just wouldn't know what to say. What do you say to your daughter for the first time after you gave her up for adoption 22 years ago? I know I would be so overwhelmed and probably wouldn't know where to even begin. For this I feel for him. Somewhat.

It's really sad that he will probably never know his grand daughter and she will never know him. How completely empty that must feel. He's missing out big time on not knowing our little angel. I wouldn't trade places with him for a second.

Even thought I have forgiven him in my heart, it will never erase the hurt and the question of why?
I am so thankful that I have the gospel in my life and I wish that every one knew of the truth.

My mom told me it was money related issues. So money is more important than your daughter? He gave me up just so he wouldn't have to pay child support. Needless to say, I really don't have much respect for him. He was 27 years old when he made his careless decision. If I could have told him these things back then: Grow up. Be a man. Finish what you started. Don't you dare walk away from your responsibilities. Seriously, grow up.

My Grandma and Grandpa Parke have been the best grandparents I could ever ask for. They truly care about me. My sweet grandpa passed away many years ago but, my grandma has written me faithfully all these years and continues to do so.

Since I don't remember a whole lot about my grandpa, my mom has told me about him. She said that I was pretty much the apple of his eye. I would spend the weekends with them once in a while and they called it Ashley day or something cute like that. I would fall asleep in his arms (I have a photo this). He would call my dad when I was over visiting and say, "get your butt over here, your daughter is here". I'm glad he was blunt and didn't put up with any crap :)

My grandma recently sent me a cassette tape in the mail dated from 1986. It's over an hour long and is a recording of me and my 1 year old voice talking with my grandma and grandpa over several different occasions. How sweet is that? That she would save that tape all these years and then send it to me. My amazing grandma was there for our wedding and that meant the world to me.

I just can't believe that such wonderful, caring people can produce such a cold, heartless son.

Maybe that's a harsh description but, maybe it's not.

I thank my Heavenly Father everyday for my loving husband. 

Vaughn is my miracle, he is my dream come true.

 I'm such a lucky, blessed girl to be married to him.
I'm also very grateful that he is so responsible.
I'm so happy that our marriage and our home is overflowing with love every day.

I'm so amazed at how awesome of a daddy he is to Ava.

She is one lucky baby to have a daddy like Vaughn and I wouldn't have it any other way :)